Your Breath

Your warm, gentle breath on my neck excited me

Led me willingly into the night

And laid me down under the stars.

Your breath poured reassurance over my body

Soaking me in your love

Your breath, already hot, slowly began to boil

Bubbling out of your mouth

Lies spilling and falling

Marinating my skin with your hate.

Your breath took me hostage

Made me yours forever.

Your breath colored the air with pretty words

Tricking me into thinking that your breath could keep me safe.

While I lay young in your arms,

Your breath slithered down my neck and back

Formed shackles around my wrists and ankles

And your breath told me it was all okay.

Your breath knew this game too well.

Your breath fooled me, took me.

Your breath lingered on my pillow long after you left

Your breath never promised to return,

But still I waited.

Your breath is miles away, but still it’s near

Sending its sentiments through text messages and missed calls

Finding its way back into me.

Your breath has turned to cement around my feet

Grounding me in your deceit.

Ballad of the Victimized

Dear Attacker,

I hide from inviting smiles

Betrayed by predators’ lustful eyes;

But why does it feel so good to have a sweaty weight

Pressing into me the most delightful, painful memory?

An enticing drug laced with flashback and regret,

Catalyzing the painful minutes after

When I sit naked in the bathroom and cry.

It was you that did this.

Your curious eyes, your unsure body

Exploring and navigating

Taking what wasn’t yours,

What was never really mine.

I can still hear your mocking laughter

Each night as I talk myself to sleep,

Listening carefully that your 2 am footsteps

Never make it to my door again.

Dear Mother,

I do it all for you

To make you proud

Every morning I choke down a suicidal dose of emptiness

Because what mother deserves two fucked up kids?

I do it all for you

To become your perfect life-size Barbie

Eager to be everything,

To meet each of your unrealistic expectations,

Hoping that one day

When you wake up

You’ll remember that you have a daughter.

Hoping that one day

You’ll remove the courtroom from your blinded eyes

And you will see

That my plastic has scars and bruises

And that your hateful words are etched into my skin.

Self-consumed, worthless, piece of shit.

BITCH.

I do it all for you

So that one day when you see me

You’ll see what you’ve done to me.

Dear Attacker,

I am a prisoner

My body is a jail cell

A breeding ground for insecurity

I am a prisoner,

Chained by the mistakes other people made out of me

Dear Mother,

I am not perfect,

I am a cut out paper doll

Not good enough to be plastic

I am not perfect,

But I’m your daughter.